I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
now i know why i became what i already was.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
