I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
tonight lets celebrate not being married
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
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