I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I FOUND THE LEGS
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
