Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
