Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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