she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize