Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
