Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
