he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
