Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
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