I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
