life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I don't deserve a penis
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
