omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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