I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
