Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
