I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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