Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
