lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
