I heard we made out
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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