your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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