At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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