I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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