so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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