Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
