and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
