Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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