We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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