...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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