New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
