I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
