i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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