You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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