My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
