Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
