Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
