Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
