I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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