When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
