you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
