drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
