Apparently you make a good broom.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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