Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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