Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
