Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
