I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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