How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
