i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
