After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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