i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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