sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
