I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize