My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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