I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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