We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
