No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
