y did u give ur computer a hand job?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
