Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
