Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
