Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
